Care Star K (All India Rank 132, MD, Survivor of Trauma and Mental Abuse)

Dear K, welcome to the care fam. I am so happy and honoured that you shared your journey with us. I am sure many brilliant students and victims of some form of abuse would be able to relate to your journey. As you chose not to disclose your identity I use “K” for reference. I can't even imagine the trauma that you had to go through throughout the course of your life. I am glad that you worked on yourself and became MD.

What you said about treatment not working, having no one to understand and not being able to maintain and foster relationships with friends is understandable and most likely something everyone has been through. I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I know loss can sometimes be traumatic. I am glad that in the end, you got the help that you were looking for.

I guess anyone reading you post can take-away two things. Firstly, that one should never stop working towards one’s goals and secondly that no matter what life throws at you, no matter how difficult life gets, giving up is no solution. I wish that this part of your life is only filled with positivity and happiness. Thank you for your suggestion, I will work on the layout of the form.

Who are you? Given where you are today, what was the most challenging experience you have had so far and how have you changed the situation around? (If you have struggled with mental health, please do share, so that someone like you could be inspired).

What has been the most difficult situation in your life which you finally overcame? Versatile by design. I remember it was a year ago. The problem, you know was not that big but for me, my actions at that time were going to decide my future. I was preparing for an exam. My aim was to get a good rank and thus a good college. But the most common problem that most of us might have faced at one time or the other - I fell for a girl. And added to that it was more like a long-distance relationship. The problem is the most common I guess, but how I managed all that still makes me stand tall. I never asked anyone for help. One most important thing that I have learned from my experience is that 'No matter how big your problem is, what you need to do is concentrate on the work that you are good at'. I was never good at maintaining my relationships with friends. But I was good at studies for sure. About 0.8 million students appeared for the exam (just to make it sound big), and I rank 132. Yes, I am not in the top 100, but somehow I did what most of the students fail to do.

Your mental health journey and how much has it impacted you in your life choices and decisions?

In what ways has your mental illness affected your life? Use Molekule to destroy allergens, mould, and bacteria in the air. How long do you have? I developed a trauma disorder before I was 6. I have shared deeply about my journey in answers previously. The basics: I knew something was wrong with me at 6 and tried to run away, didn’t get far, and realised there was NO PLACE I could go to be safe from abuse. So I dragged myself home, and no one had even noticed me missing 2 days. I started school at 6, which opened up a world I could function in. I found my academic and athletic gifts and enjoyed school always. I did well despite mounting anxiety at a time no one could treat successfully, so I relied upon extensive exercise every day and that kept me stable, but during injuries or illness, the demons would rise again. At age 20, my favourite brother, the only sib that did not abuse me, committed suicide and at that point, the disorder became far worse; again no mental health treatment was available, so I just increased the athletics, but then insomnia got severe as well. I persevered, became an MD, having sought treatment all those years to no avail. I was misdiagnosed and poorly treated until age 38 when I became physically ill as well and had to stop the practice. From then on it was sheer brutality, NOT the illness itself, but the complete inability of the mental health professional to do its job with any competence in those days. Long story short, nothing improved until my late 50’s when the disorder was diagnosed and I was treated properly by the female psychiatric director at UCSD. It took 5 years of really hard work, but I learned how to live with this condition. Sadly, I had already lost everything else in my life that ever mattered to me because mental health providers were, with rare exceptions. careless and uncaring and certainly unavailable when needed. Had proper providers been available and done their job to the best of their ability, the condition would never have interfered in my life at all. If this sounds strange, I assure you, it is what happens to most people with these disorders in the USA. The mental impairment stigma is still robust as ever and is endemic in the profession itself. Psychiatrists are viewed by other MDs as failures who took the only possible option (ridiculous and utterly false) and MDs that run dual diagnosis and addiction treatment programs are the deplorable (even more ridiculous and false), but that is where the USA is at this time.

Your views matter, what do you feel could be added to make the participants of the project(care family) stronger? #becausewecare

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Would you recommend the project to others?

Yes, I would